Learning about fate, karma, the process of manifestation, the law of vibrations, etc., we come to an understanding that when the underlying motivation of our thoughts, words, and actions comes from the high frequencies of LOVE (which is the essence of the true Self) instead of low frequencies of FEAR (or any other sub-emotions rooted in fear), good things can flow to and through us, bringing peace, happiness, and harmony into our lives.
Though our real-life experiences seem to tell us something quite different: when we have love at heart, we still have to experience so much (sometimes constant) pain and inner conflict.
“I love this job, but it doesn’t generate a good income, so I’m always stressed about financial stuff…
I love how much I earn and even love the people I work with, but I hate the job I am doing…
I love eating a bunch of sugary stuff when I’m stressed as it makes me happy, but I become so fat and unhealthy, and I hate how I look/feel…
I love my routines as I feel safe and comfortable, but my life feels stagnant and meaningless, there is a lack of expansion or excitement…
I love my partner, but there are conflicts, misunderstandings, and lots of differences in our values and priorities in life, etc., that make life so difficult sometimes…
I fall hard in love with that person, but (s)he doesn’t seem to truly care and doesn’t return my love…
…”
We all yearn for love, in every relationship we have and in everything we do! For the sweetness and happiness that we have tasted from time to time when things fit well together and go smoothly, or when we experience the pleasures that indulge our physical and/or emotional body.
Nevertheless, the happy feelings and satisfaction never seemed to last very long. Pain and disappointment in all kind of shapes and kinds always somehow find a way to sneak in and make us suffer.
The thing is: Is what we call love, that often involves pain and inner conflict, actually LOVE? And you know, pain and disappointment come from unfulfilled expectations. Expectations come from the Ego - we want something back from our investment, but not just a random thing! It must be the exact things that our Ego wants, right? So, it seems like there are a few things regarding ‘love’ that we need a reality check!
Anyway, who cares about the Ego! We just simply need to agree that: “A life filled with love must have some thorns, a life empty of love will have no roses.”. And so: 'If you love a rose, you have to love its thorns too.’
But let’s be honest here!
Have you ever actually loved the thorns? Have you ever actually loved the pains that you endured (or are enduring) in love? - Any kind of love like the ones in the examples above, and especially a love affair that involves another human being!
Of course NOT! (Except for the old people at the later age in their lives or zen masters! And even for them, they could only say that they love it all (in fact: they appreciate it all) whilst looking back when all the pain has passed or when mastery is achieved!)
For the rest of us, we do not love the pain, we only love and yearn for happiness in the relationship with the object of love!
And so, let’s face it!
If we do not love the thorns, do we really love the rose as a true and complete version of how it really is?
No, we don’t!
We only choose a partial version of it to ‘love’ - the part that fits in the category of Likes in our preference reference system of likes and dislikes!
We DO NOT truly ‘love’ someone or something for how they really are! What we call ‘love’ is just our intense focus on the LIKES whilst blurring/ignoring the parts that we dislike!
This is hard to accept, isn’t it?!
Especially when you have had the experience of ‘falling in love’ with someone and everything about that person seems perfect and beautiful. You feel like you love everything about that person including their flaws/imperfections and any pain you would have to endure, as long as you could be with them.
That experience of ‘love’ and ‘seeing everything as perfect’ is an experience of true LOVE only IF you are talking about your love for your child! Or unless you have done your work, and now function at the 5D level, and are very attuned with higher consciousness/God/higher Self/total Awareness…, in this case, you’re indeed capable of loving those whom you love unconditionally and truly, as if they are your own ‘children’! Otherwise, the LOVE of a parent for their own child (BEFORE the sense of possessiveness or any kind of expectations and conditions come in!) is in fact the only true love - unconditional love that you could find in this 3D plane of existence in which most human beings are functioning at!
But if you were referring to the experience of ‘falling in love’ as of a romantic kind of love, unfortunately sooner or later you will receive a rude awakening!
Why? Because what you actually fall for is not a reality, but your own illusion!
What we normally call love (especially in a romantic sense) is in fact an obsession and addiction of our mind over our self-constructed mental IDEAL of somebody (or something) whom our Ego sees as POTENTIAL for fulfilling its needs (physically, and emotionally) and WELL FITTED in its restricted vision of security.
That is why we often do not know why and when we ‘fall in love’ with someone as what’s really going on underneath the surface is the Ego doing its assessment, then the mind builds up on its approval, obsession, and clinging over that seemingly ‘wonderful idea’ of the Ego. This process happens subconsciously and not at the level of clear thinking, but also can be reversed when the awareness of how things really are shines forth.
The whole process of falling in love is such an amazing experience and make us feel as if we are living in a dreamworld! And indeed we do! We live in our own daydream and illusion of love! And interestingly, we not only imagine how someone (the object of love) perfectly fits in our mental ideal, but we also unconsciously try to change them to make them fit into that ideal picture of how we imagined them and the relationship to be.
Unfortunately and inevitably, pain comes in sooner or later when we are disillusioned - when reality hits us and makes us realise that we have been living in our own mental constructions and expectations of things instead of seeing how things really are! We at some point also have to learn that we cannot change somebody and make them the person we want them to be, and the person themselves also will get tired and eventually give up trying to act and keep up with the image/role that we have assigned to them which they are essentially not!
A lot of us probably would want to argue that this must not be always the case! We all hope for and believe in such a successful and 'happy ever after' relationship exists that probably only takes work from both sides. That is true that such a relationship is possible! but only IF you both awaken to the same level of self-awareness, sharing the same values and understanding of life, growing in the same direction, giving the same amount of effort, working towards the same model of relationship, and being truly compassionate and loving towards each other! Otherwise, incongruity, conflicts, and growing apart would eventually come in and tear down the relationship as a natural part of the process.
A good question might be raised here: doesn’t falling in love with someone happen when your soul recognises a soulmate and you feel the urge to be with that person too? It’s not an addiction/obsession, or Ego’s business in this case, is it?
The matter of a souls resonance or souls connection is not to be confused with the obsession of the mind over either a karmic bond or an Ego’s ideal of ‘the one’ who the Ego believes could save it from unhappiness, loneliness, and insecurity! - This topic will be explored in detail in one of our next articles in which we will invite you to look into the patterns of relationship bondage and dependency that has been restricting us (especially the awakened souls) from living a life of freedom and truths, and open up to a new vision of conscious loving partnership as the way our true Self experiences love within the context of an intimate relationship with another human being in the physical plane of existence.
***
Let’s now come back to the point at the opening of this article.
We have mentioned many times before and in many other spiritual teachings of different teachers/masters/religions… they also say that LOVE as the underlying motivation of our thoughts, words, and actions make peace, happiness, and harmony possible and inevitable, right? But make sure you know what LOVE really is!
We have been taught throughout our lives to mistake LOVE with the intense feeling of when our ego-mind becomes obsessed over a mental ideal, so this obsession is very easily mistaken to be the kind of love that we think we should hold at heart as the motivation of our choices. That is such a cunning misperception of the mind!
Then, how do we know if our motivation is actually based on LOVE - the real kind of love which all the spiritual teachings actually mean, and not the whims of our Ego in a romantic or idealistic disguise?
Ask yourself: What is it that you ultimately look for or hope for in the interactions or relationship with that someone or something?
This question demands you to be truly and completely honest with yourself!
Unless the answer is absolutely nothing at all that you hope for yourself, all other answers point towards what the Ego wants for itself! And that means the motivation does not come from LOVE but either obviously or subtly comes from the desires and expectations of the Ego. (And you know how the outcomes would often turn out to be, don’t you?!). In this case, work on your mind to see through the egoistic thoughts and expectations, and get in touch with what is true to your heart and soul before pursuing a course of action or directions, unless you don’t mind facing disappointment and pains as inevitable parts of your journey.
So what is the nature of LOVE? What if the answer for the above question is Nothing at all that you want for yourself?
Compassion, pure joy, and appreciation (gratitude) are the most fundamental nature of LOVE.
When you truly have LOVE as your underlying motivation, all there is in your heart and mind is a genuine compassion for other beings, a pure joy in the act of giving and engaging in such interactions, events, or relationships, and an immense appreciation for how things or people really are!
Find the truth of this by reminding yourself of the beautifully warm-hearted, life-nurturing and life-enhancing feeling of LOVE when you hold a baby in your arms and gaze in its eyes and its smiles, or when you are engulfed in the unspeakable beauty of nature or closely observe the pure loving gestures and the natural/simple yet immense honesty and gratitude of the animals! Remind yourself often of what true LOVE feels like, and you will naturally reconcile all aspects of yourself and your life to be in alignment with it!
The answer that there is nothing at all that you want for yourself in this complicated world of human relationships is only possible when you are whole and totally at peace within yourself! This is the only condition - the only state of being in which you DO NOT NEED anyone or anything out there to bring you happiness or approval, to comfort or care for you, etc. Only from this state of wholeness you can be truly compassionate towards others, you can truly see people and situations as how they really are instead of what your ego looks for in them! And this is how it is possible for you to truly love, become love itself, and give love.
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